A Teenager's - Mom

Raising a teenager sometimes feels like riding a cactus without a saddle.  I say “sometimes” because there are times when the task brings about some intense laughter and joy also. I guess it depends on my state of mind in that moment.

Yesterday was a cactus moment for me though.

Because I know that my teenage daughter lacks the ability to control her “flight or fight” center by using common sense or logic, I really try my level best to keep my reactions calm and neutral however, it is not always an easy task. The tiniest little thing like for instance, the Wi-Fi data disconnecting for some reason, becomes a life-threatening event where sirens go off, unidentified objects fly around the room and everyone in close proximity falls flat on their stomachs with their hands on their heads, hoping to survive the brutal attack.

Such an event on its own, once a day, is easy to handle because you simply get back up when you realize that the danger is over and wipe the dust and pet hairs off your clothes so you can go about your day, but sadly these events tend to come in waves, tsunami waves! The challenging part is when you start your morning with a trailer to an academy award winning horror, thriller, drama movie and the remote to the television has gone missing. You know that if you do not find the remote and stop the trailer, the movie will automatically start whether you liked the trailer or not. This is what happened yesterday.

I got up at 5am, had a cup of coffee and thought, today is a good day to have a good day, then I woke the kids so they can get ready for school. The journey to the bedside lamp in my teenager’s room was paved with a layer of clothes in vibrant colors. Some of the spectacular views had mountains of interesting items and rivers of floating shoes, creating a somewhat challenging hike to my destination. I smiled and decided to simply enjoy the fresh smell of …… well, whatever it was that entered my nose. As I got closer to the lamp, just before I switched it on, a ray of light from the window, fell softly on the face of the young woman in the bed. “How beautiful are you, my baby”, I thought as I reached out to switch on the light. That was my last happy thought for the rest of the day.

Now awakened, the magnet for everything that could possibly be wrong in life, had to start her day like everyone else in the world. To save you the trauma, I will refrain from listing everything that indeed did “go wrong” and just say that it started with a ‘too limited range of cereals’ and ended with tears of a broken heart because her little brother said no to her for playing on his computer and she heard, “you are not loved”??

With both kids now crying, little brother - because of frustration and sister - because she felt unloved, I drove them to school. On the way, I tried to resolve the issue and get both of them in a better state of mind for their day ahead while I myself felt like losing my marbles. You know, you are a mom, it does not help to try and explain the emotions away! Finally, I dropped them both off and had my 45 minutes of travelling time to find inner peace and wisdom to guide me through my workday.

On my way back to school where my hardworking children are waiting “patiently” for mom, I imagined what the evening would be like. What will I make for dinner, and will I remember to iron the Karate outfit for my son’s grading on Saturday?  

“Hi Mommy!” was replaced with “Ugh.. Let me guess, we must wait for my brother to finish Karate practice.”

I gently replied cautiously, yes, and politely asked her how her day was. Her normal silent reaction to this question was replaced with half an hour of ranting and raving about school, a teacher, and some issues with friends. The most memorable comment was the one where she would literally murder the person who decided to invent time because it is that idiot’s fault that there is such a thing as ‘down time’ on her phone.

To allow her to blow off some steam, and hopefully feel better afterwards, I only listened and did not say a word or try to reason with her at all. I gave her those 30 minutes of freedom to say whatever she wanted to say. I must be honest, I did have a moment where I considered to ask her for 5 minutes of venting time for myself, but I feared that my outburst might become the ‘reason’ why she has some or other breakdown in a phycologists chair, in her late 30’s. All I did was listen.

On the way home, little brother and big sister decided to remember the events of the morning. The fight that I thought was over continued and the constant grunting and growling, huffing, and puffing, carried on until bedtime.

I was exhausted from “composing myself” all day. I honestly stood in the shower and cried because I felt like a Coke bottle that had been shaken the whole day, left in the sun and no one was allowed to open the cap, just a little bit, to release some of the built-up pressure. 

So, this morning, I prepared myself for a repeat and even planned a whole speech for the trip to the school drop off and then, she sang happy songs the whole morning!!!!!

Raising a teenager is not easy. I don’t care who you are, it is NOT EASY! All my love to you Mom’s with Beautiful teenagers!